


a star as bright as who you are (but not as lovely as what you are)

by hyuckcurse



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 15:26:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18594082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuckcurse/pseuds/hyuckcurse
Summary: Mark believed that he was everything but important and worthy.Donghyuck proved him wrong.





	a star as bright as who you are (but not as lovely as what you are)

**Author's Note:**

> if it wasn't for those who helped in writing and beta-reading this fic, it wouldn't be posted here. thank you to the members in luren the mightiest gc and my irl friends <3

Mark unlocked his phone every time he heard it vibrate, a little bubble of hope grew in his chest. But just like any other bubble, it burst as soon as he saw that there were no notifications from those he wished to hear from.

 _Funny,_ he thought, _why would anybody care about what I am feeling? They definitely have something better to do than to face a sulking 19-year-old child._

Mark placed his phone face down, wrapped his blanket tighter around his body and tried to force himself to sleep. He believed that by doing so, he could push aside any unnecessary feelings that were eating at his insides.

He knew that he was just exaggerating, the sadness and insecurity he was feeling were nothing serious. It just happened once in a while, and it would leave soon. Mark just needed to sleep on his feelings, and once he woke up, everything would be okay.

_Everything will be okay, just go to sleep._

And in the end, he fell asleep with a heavy chest and the lie that he would be okay, just like before.

***

Mark was woken up by the sound of sheets being rustled. He wanted to turn around, but before he could, he felt a pair of arms around his waist. Mark stiffened for a moment but immediately relaxed by the familiar smell of flowers that he recognized.

“Donghyuck?” His voice was raspy, still heavily laced with sleep.

“Shhh, baby, go back to sleep.” Donghyuck nestled his face into Mark’s nape, breathing slowly.

Mark was flustered by the pet name Donghyuck had called him. Two years into the relationship and he still couldn’t control himself from blushing like a schoolgirl in front of her crush.

Donghyuck tightened his arms around Mark and tangled their legs together.

“Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“I saw your tweets.”

Mark’s chest started to ache slowly. There it was again, loud and clear, the ugly feeling of being unwanted and lonely. The feeling he wished would disappear from his chest, the feeling that had caused him to crumble and left him weak. Mark thought if he just kept quiet, Donghyuck would drop the topic and they would cuddle the rest of the night.

But Donghyuck wasn’t going to cuddle until Mark told him what was bothering him. “Baby, you do know that you can tell me anything. No matter what, I will try to help you.”

At that statement, Mark turned around, hugged Donghyuck’s torso and tucked his face into the space between Donghyuck’s neck and shoulder. He started to sob. Everything in him shattered, but he couldn’t explain why and how it happened.

“I am sorry for feeling and acting this way.” Mark mumbled in between his tears. Mark’s grip around Donghyuck was tight, they were chest to chest but Mark still felt like it wasn’t enough for him to stay calm. He wanted more, no, _needed_ more of this safe feeling Donghyuck always gave him. Something inside him was aching badly, and he wasn’t able to breathe properly.

Donghyuck did not say a word, but instead he drew circles on Mark’s back in an attempt to calm the latter. Mark’s sobs were still heard, but they had quieted down to small whimpers. When Donghyuck felt that Mark was in a better state , he pulled Mark out of his embrace to get a proper look at him, and what he saw next broke his  heart.

The Mark in front of him was not the the one he always knew. It was the Mark who had been kept locked away from him, the Mark who was shy and terrified to be seen by people. This Mark was known for feeling low-spirited, unloved, isolated. Donghyuck had only met him once or twice, because the Mark Lee that everyone knew was clever at hiding this Mark.

Donghyuck caressed Mark’s cheek, before leaning down to kiss his forehead. It was a soft and delicate one, one that conveyed a message of  ‘ _it’s okay, I am here for you. I will wait, don’t be afraid to tell me’._ Donghyuck would wait for him, no matter what.

Mark looked hesitant before opening his mouth to speak. “It’s not a big deal. I am just being too emotional and inconsiderate. I shouldn’t feel this way considering that you and the others are busy with finals and studies. I am being a nuisance.” Mark’s voice was tiny between his sobs. He was terrified of telling the truth to the younger, because he was afraid Donghyuck would think he was being selfish. But Donghyuck’s hum and the random drawings he drew on his back encouraged Mark to continue.

“I saw your tweets, your replies to our friends and theirs to you, so I thought you guys would have some time to, I don’t know, talk to me? I replied to your tweets and theirs, but none of them were answered. I felt left out and worthless, because you guys replied to each other but not to me. We also have different classes in uni because of our year difference, so we rarely hang out and have small talks.” Mark took a breath because the ache in his chest was unbearable as he spilled his feelings out. “I am sorry if you think I am being too clingy, but I miss you so much, Hyuckie. I miss us. I miss the others too, but not as much as I miss having you here, in my arms or just anywhere near me.”

The quiver in hisvoice caused an awful feeling of guilt to creep into Donghyuck’s heart. Everything Mark said was true. Donghyuck was in freshman year while Mark was in sophomore year. Both of their schedules were different, he was in the middle of his semester exam and Mark was going to have his in a month. He did get Mark’s replies, but he was so distracted with his studies that he unintentionally left it unattended.

However, what hit Donghyuck the most was that he was being unfair to Mark. They both knew that Donghyuck had always been the most clingy person in their relationship, and he was always demanding for attention from the older and their circle of friends. Despite being someone who hates physical contact, Mark never avoided those that Donghyuck initiated. He would always satisfy Donghyuck’s need for cuddles or sudden midnight dates when the younger couldn’t sleep, even if he was busy studying or doing his thesis.

Mark did everything for him, but Donghyuck didn’t. And his actions caused Mark to feel insecure and left out, even if it wasn’t intentional.

“I am so sorry, Markie,” Donghyuck took Mark’s hand in his and kissed his knuckle. “You are never a nuisance. I am the one at fault for making you feel like this. You have always been there for me even when you were busy and had no time for yourself. I am the one who was being selfish.”

“It is okay, Hyuck. I know how important your exams are for you, and you need  good grades or else you’ll lose your scholarship.”

The sincerity in Mark’s voice made Donghyuck feel even worse. “You are the one that is too good for me. I’ve practically been abandoning  you, I forget to text or even check up on you. Please don’t feel bad for what you are feeling. It is valid, Markie. I hate seeing you like this just because you think you are a burden to me. Yes, my studies are important, but you are my everything. It is my fault for placing you second when you have always put me first.”

“I-it is okay? I’m not a burden?”

“No, baby. You never were. I am sorry I made you feel this way and made you question your worth. I will try to be a better boyfriend for you. I promise.”

Donghyuck raised his pinky finger, and Mark took it in his own. “I pinky promise you Markie, and I will never break it.”

Mark’s mouth slowly turned into a smile, a genuine one. It was as if the burden on his shoulder had been lift off and the ache in his chest had healed.

“And promise me that you will tell me how you feel regularly. I know that you always know what I feel, but I am a naive person who is still trying to understand you better. Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

Donghyuck smiled warmly at him before they leaned into each other for a kiss. It was a sweet one that reassured ‘ _Everything will be okay. We are okay’_

Because in the end, Mark knew that everything was okay as he smiled into the kiss. His mind was no longer clouded with worries or doubt, only love and trust for Lee Donghyuck and the promise that they would never break.

That night, both of them slept soundly, legs tangled and cuddled close to each other. It was the best night Mark’s ever had, and he wishes that every night will be a good one.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my twitter @suhnnyhyuck
> 
> leave a comment please, i need validation for my first actually finished fic :)


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